Connecting with Marginalized People
7 MINUTE READ
I’m not in the habit of talking to “strangers.” I talk to people I already know. I get to know new people when a friend introduces us, or we have shared an experience like a class or interest group.
As an introvert, I usually need some basis for connecting to strangers—a shared history, friend, or experience. My extroverted friends seem to think the common ground of “fellow human” is enough to start talking with strangers! But I generally need more. It takes added effort to connect with a stranger who comes from a very different life experience.
At this moment in history, followers of Jesus need to expand our vision of those with whom we’re willing to associate. Our nation has become deeply divided and mistrusting of one another. As followers of Jesus, we can actively resist that trend. We can intentionally connect with those who are different from us—including the marginalized.
The band Waterdeep brilliantly captures what it means to be a marginalized person in “Know Your Name,” from their 2020 acoustic album Tandem. Their lyrical snapshots capture the heart of marginalization better than any dictionary definition. Each verse is a shout-out to the scorned and disregarded with tight phrases like, “You’re the trouble you’re in; You’re the color of your skin; They got faith, and you got a doubt; You fought a war they forgot about.” The song then strikes at the pain point of marginalization with the refrain, “They don’t even know your name.”
Jesus spent a lot of time with marginalized people—those whom society saw as too different to be included—and he taught us to do the same. As a man, Jesus was born into an oppressed people group. He also experienced rejection, scorn, and fierce opposition.
As a man who perfectly reflected the character of God, Jesus had a special place in his heart for people living under poverty, oppression, or rejection. He taught his followers to imitate God’s heart in that. Honoring Jesus, the early Christians practiced hospitality that paid particular attention to the penniless and the stranger.
Jesus also showed scorn. But he only scorned the self-serving, hypocritical spiritual leaders, not the different or the oppressed. He prayed that his people would unite across societal divisions.
But how do you make a real connection with marginalized people if you’re not a marginalized person yourself? Most people have felt moments of marginalization. But some individuals and groups are significantly more marginalized than others. For example, many people tend to keep their distance from those returning from incarceration.
Jesus so identified with people in prison that he taught that when we care for those in prison, it’s like we’re caring for him. Maybe you assume you can’t connect well with a person returning from prison because you’ve never experienced incarceration, and you don’t know a single person who has. How can you bridge such a gap in life stories?
Here are a few reflections on bridging the divide with people who are not like you.
Think Humility
Society marginalizes people who are different by treating them as if their viewpoints are insignificant, their gifts are of no value, or their needs are irrelevant. But the reasons society marginalizes a person for their differences—such as belonging to a marginalized culture—often gives them a perspective from which we can learn.
To connect with someone from a different culture or life experience, put on the hat of learning and humbleness. Prepare to do more observing and asking than sharing. You don’t have to agree with everything they believe. But think of yourself as a student of their culture and perspective, and try to understand what they deeply value. Get ready for the surprise of seeing the world through their eyes!
Biblical hospitality is the practice of “welcoming the stranger,” and that includes opening ourselves up to what makes them feel strange to us. We practice hospitality not by minimizing differences but by trusting that, through the eyes of God’s Holy Spirit, welcoming a stranger into our presence brings surprise gifts.
I think it’s important to note that we don’t want to burden people with our curiosity. For example, as a White person, I want to learn more about African American culture and experience. I’m not going to burden my Black friends with the need to educate me. But I want to see the world through their eyes and appreciate how diverse African American cultures are gifts to this nation.
For example, I appreciate that many African American cultures value straightforwardness and straight talk. We desperately need that in society today. I value learning about how Black people experience honesty, shame, and resilience. I want to learn from the cultural wisdom of facing hard realities with truth and courage.
Think Overlap
Our society also marginalizes people who have endured harsh and dehumanizing life experiences such as abuse, imprisonment, addiction, exploitation, homelessness, etc. In these cases, it could help to remember that what has marginalized a person in society is probably not the most interesting thing about them.
To connect with someone across an experience divide, look for other areas of overlap in your lives. You may not be able to communicate as though you’re marginalized in the same way. But any two people on planet earth have some degree of shared experience.
I’ve never done time in prison or known anyone in my personal circle who has. But in God’s eyes, incarceration isn’t the most remarkable thing about the people in prison. Look for common interests, memories of places, challenges as parents, etc. There may be an experience gap, to be sure. But you can often find something that resonates with both of your experiences.
I moved around a lot as a kid, and that shapes how I see the world. Whenever I meet someone else whose family kept moving and “isn’t from anywhere,” I say, “You’re my people.” That would be true with a person in prison as well. They’re still “my people” in that way because those who moved around a lot growing up immediately understand something of each other because of how that nomadic experience shapes you socially.
God himself said, “I will call them ‘My People’ who are not my people.” I believe that the same spirit is at work whenever we go out of our way, and maybe endure some awkwardness, to find areas of common interest or experience. Look for that moment when you can say, “You’re my people.” If someone is open to you, you can often find a point of overlap as you keep chatting about your lives—the Holy Spirit will help you find it. You can then build your connection from there.
Think Uniqueness
The Creator designs everyone on earth with gifts, interests, and personalities. You could find and appreciate the unique qualities of a person, even though you probably have different ones. When connecting with marginalized people, we may instinctively focus on the brokenness of their situation or their place in society. But not everything about the person is broken.
God created every person, so the image of God is reflected in them, no matter their past or spiritual background. For anyone open to connecting with you, look for God’s beautiful design in them, even if life may have hidden it. Appreciating and affirming something good or strong about another person is a point of connection. A marginalized person may feel rarely seen and heard in that way. Hearing someone call out what’s good in them may mean a lot to them when you’re just saying out loud what’s obvious to you.
A friend of mine is pretty stealth at caring for people’s practical needs—she makes it look easy! Her face lit up when I affirmed her keen eye for others’ needs—and that the world would be a better place if more people were as considerate as she is. Another good friend of mine is recovering from domestic violence and looking for meaning in that experience. To me, her attitude shows an extraordinary amount of resilience and wisdom. The moment I made that observation to her was one of the closest moments we’ve shared. Neither of these women is a follower of Jesus. But they both told me that they felt inspired and encouraged by my simple, valid observations about them. My prayer is that when they think of me, they will associate me with truth and light, so as God calls out to them, I might be a part of their journey closer to God.
Think Jesus
Some of the reasons that society marginalizes a group of people may help them understand Jesus’ experience and point of view better than we do. In Might from the Margins, Dr. Dennis Edwards observes that Jesus was “a voice from the margins.” He further writes, “God has made it so that if we want to see Jesus, we don’t look to the powerful, we look to the apparently powerless!” (p. 55).
Jesus was homeless, in custody, a refugee, subject to unjust state violence because of his ethnicity and citizenship, rejected by his own people, etc. As you make connections with people living in the margins, think of what you could learn from them about Jesus’ perspective.
Conclusion
Jesus honored those who cared for the marginalized, but he chastised those who made no effort to do so. I hope these reflections give you some ideas of how you could overcome barriers to connecting with people who feel outside your scope. Friendships always form more easily with people who are like us. But with the Spirit of Jesus alive in us, we can also, like Jesus, welcome the stranger and see God do a new thing among us!
If you’re taking steps to connect with people whose life experience is vastly different from your own, I’d love to hear your story.
